Day Too Soon
by WorldOfTilt
Summary: Brittany finds out about Santana's comments to Dani and calls to find out what's really going on.


"Hey, Britt!" Santana beamed, turning on speaker phone. "I'm just getting ready for work, what's up?"

"Fuck you." Brittany spat into her phone as she paced around her cluttered dorm room, pictures of Santana still hanging next to the bed.

"What?" Santana sank down into the bed. She'd never heard Brittany use that word, let alone directed at herself. "Britt, what's wrong?"

"I just got a call from Quinn," Brittany said dryly.

"Ok, Britt I'm not following," Santana threw her bag down, she'd be late to work.

"Quinn said she just got a call from Rachel," Brittany was being short and dry, two things she never is.

"Britt, is this about Dani?" Santana sighed, she'd been meaning to call Brittany for a few days to tell her about Dani, but she worked weird hours and when she wasn't working she was going on auditions or hanging out with Dani.

"I don't care who you're sleeping with, this has nothing to do with Dani. You broke up with me because you were scared and needed time to figure things out, I accept that. I welcome that, I know you need to do that. You can sleep with Kurt for all I care, this isn't about Dani," Brittany said in one long, hot breath.

"I don't understand," Santana said softly.

"I don't understand either, San. I don't understand why you'd be telling people that you want to date someone who won't stray for penis or how you can finally date a real lesbian, not some fake wanna be just making a pit stop on the way to men bi-curious because she doesn't have a boyfriend at the moment woman. Why don't you explain that to me, since I apparently don't understand it," Brittany spat fire at Santana. She was clenching her phone so hard she was certain she'd have shards of glass puncturing her palm at any moment.

Santana was silent. The only sound Brittany could make out on the other end of the phone were soft sniffs and rustling when Santana wiped the tears running down her cheeks.

"You have nothing to say? You have nothing to say to me," Brittany accused, trying to block out the voices in her head telling her to hang up.

"Britt," Santana started but the sobs were too overpowering. Santana just cried and Brittany just listened. Brittany's heart was breaking, but she was so angry. So hurt. So disappointed.

"Why, San?" Britt asked, softer now. The gentleness of her voice only causing Santana to cry harder.

"I'm sorry," was all Santana managed to get out, after what seemed like hours of crying.

"Then why'd you say it? Why'd you say those lies about me, about other people?" Brittany shook her head. Santana could be mean and even vicious if the situation warranted it, but she was never ever been close minded or ignorant to other people's preferences or sexuality. She would celebrate Brittany's openness and choices, she said it was what made Brittany a unicorn, that she loved for the sake of loving regardless of who was being loved.

"I was scared," Santana finally whispered so softly Brittany almost missed it, being lost in her own thoughts.

"You were scared when you said those things to Dani?" Brittany asked, her confusion not well hidden behind her words.

"She's so comfortable. She's so, she's so out. I know I'm out and I'm comfortable in my skin now, after a long time of being uncomfortable, but she has this aura to her. She's proud to be gay and she makes me want to be proud of being gay, but I'm not there yet. I'm so close and I think she can really help me and I was scared if I didn't talk up my sexuality or like relate to her in a big way she wouldn't be interested. Why would she want someone who's never been with another lesbian, she's beyond that," Santana cried. She cried for all those years she was closeted and angry, she cried for all the pain she's put Brittany through, intentional and not. She cried for herself and how even with all the work she's put in she's still not where she wants to be emotionally. She cried because all she's ever wanted was to be loved and she has no idea what that really means.

"God, Santana, how many times are you going to make me tell you how special you are? I've been doing it for basically forever at this point. You're perfect, Santana. You don't need to tell lies or make up stories to get someone to like you. Dani started talking to you before you opened your big stupid mouth, right? She saw you, San. She saw your smile and your eyes. I bet she saw you helping Rachel reach something on a high shelf or maybe stay a little later refilling the salt shakers when a co-worker needed to run home to help a sick relative. Maybe she heard you sing or she could've heard you talking to Rachel about Kurt and Quinn and she saw what a loyal friend you are. Santana, there are an infinity number of things that would make someone fall in love with you without you even trying. How have you not realized that yet?" Brittany sighed. Nothing about Santana ever surprised her except Santana's low self-esteem. Brittany spent a lot of sleepless nights figuring out ways to make Santana love herself the way Brittany knew she could, but it never seemed to stick.

"San, remember the first time I ever saw your face?" Britt asked. She heard Santana take a sharp breath in. "We'd never spoken a word to each other before that moment at the lockers, right?" Brittany asked, "right? Answer me."

"Right," Santana forced out.

"I knew at that moment, just looking into your eyes that I would love you forever," Brittany said slowly. "I didn't need you to tell me anything. You don't think I was scared? I know I don't get rattled very often, but it's terrifying to feel your entire being, your universe, change in a nanosecond. I was so scared, but it didn't matter. It felt right," Brittany started crying, big round tears rolling down her face, plopping onto her legs.

Santana was doubled over on her bed, her body wracked with sobs. "I don't know what to do," she cried out.

"You are the truth, Santana. You don't need the lies anymore." Brittany answered, wishing more than ever she could hug Santana.

A few minutes passed, Brittany sitting quietly letting Santana cry as much as she needed. She thought back to all the times in the hallways of McKinley or in their bedrooms when Santana would break down, only for Brittany, and Brittany would rub her back and whisper soothing words into her ear until she relaxed or most times fall asleep across Brittany's lap.

"How am I going to explain to her why I said all those things?" Santana asked, her voice dry and raspy. "She's going to think I'm a liar, an idiot. You know I didn't really mean those things, right? You know I respect you and everyone's choices, I'm not really like that. I don't think those things." Santana asked, her voice wracked with desperation.

"No, she won't. If she's as special as you say she is she'll understand. Santana, we've all been there. We've all told lies or said, in your case, very stupid insensitive things, when we were scared or felt helpless. I know you don't really think those things, I know you," Brittany reassured Santana. She could hear Santana calming down.

"How did you get to be so smart, Britt?" Santana smiled for the first time since before she picked up her phone.

"I have a really smart soul mate," Brittany smiled, closing her eyes, willing herself not to cry again.

"So do I," Santana said back, her hand over her heart. "Hey, Britt?"

"Yeah?" Brittany felt her hand unclenching, her muscles calming down.

"You know that no matter what, you'll always be the best thing that's ever been mine, right?" Santana's chest tightened, tears threatening to fall again.

Brittany glanced over at their framed prom picture, "San, it's the thing in my entire life I will never doubt."

"I have to go to work, I'm really late," Santana stood up, her legs weaker than before.

"Have a good day. I love you, and San," Brittany paused, "never forget who you are. You are Santana Lopez. You never need to make excuses or be anything more than that."

"I know," Santana nodded, her chest puffing up a bit at Brittany's words. "I love you, too. I'll call you tomorrow." Santana hung up the phone, she looked in the mirror, wiping the smudged make up from under her eyes. "I am Santana Lopez and Brittany S. Pierce loves me." Santana smiled and headed off to work.


End file.
